Women Confess the Most Outrageous Things They Did on Zoom This Year
What would we do if we couldn’t mute ourselves?
This time last year, Zoom was still just a proper noun. Now it’s a verb, an adjective, and a state of being. Zoom has become a lifeline, keeping many of us close to our friends and families while the pandemic has kept us physically apart. But it has also become an annoyance, a grievance, and another anxiety-inducing thing we have to deal with. Remember in April when we were doing everything from happy hours to movie nights on Zoom? Now we can’t wait to turn our cameras off. This is especially true for those of us who have to spend much of the work day on Zoom. Between our coworkers booking us in back-to-back Zoom meetings and our kids needing help logging on to Zoom school, we rarely get a break from the thing. As Commissioner Rebecca Kelly Slaughter of the Federal Trade Commission pointed out after she was praised for breastfeeding her daughter while testifying before the Senate, “our responsibilities don’t organize themselves around our work schedules, especially during the pandemic.” And that has led to a lot of Zoom juggling, Zoom mishaps, and occasionally Zoom bad behavior.
We asked our friends and followers to anonymously share some of the more outrageous, embarrassing, and yes, even scandalous things they’ve done while Zooming this year. Some of the responses were intentional, some were accidental, and a few were just wildly inappropriate and unprofessional.
Want more M Dash?
They Zoomed in the nude…
“I was in back-to-back Zoom meetings one day and really just needed a break. I turned the camera off and muted myself, took off all my clothes, and got in the shower while keeping the Zoom on. I felt crazy, and I triple checked the camera like forty times.”—Dana, 42
“My boyfriend and I definitely had sex while he was on a Zoom call. Camera off, of course.” —Claire, 24
“Sharing an apartment during shelter-in-place has been tricky. My roommates are great, but there’s still only one bathroom. One morning I really had to go, and my roommate was taking forever in the shower. By the time she got out, I had to hop on a Zoom. Sure, I could’ve said I was running late, but I didn’t. Instead I muted myself, turned my camera off, and took my laptop into the bathroom. I’m sure I’m not the first person to do that.” —Heather, 26
They Zoomed while multitasking...
“I have done a number of remote oral arguments from my house (including election cases in district court and appeals before the Supreme Court of Virginia and the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals). I have become quite good at nursing my daughter over Zoom conferences by knowing where the frame begins and ends and using a nursing cover. When working from home began, my daughter would allow me to nurse her while I wore a cover, and she didn’t disturb much. Now that she’s a few months older, however, she refuses to be confined by a cover (or if she doesn’t pull the cover off, her little hand reaches up to grab my face while she nurses), and she often tries to grab things off my desk while I hold her.” —Michelle, 35
“I’ve applied for a new job while on important work Zoom calls.” —Chanel, 26
“I had to be in two Zooms at once. My cousin was getting married in Israel over Zoom, so I had that on my phone, and then I had to attend a women’s health lecture over Zoom on my computer. The lecture topic was birth control and we were vividly discussing the rhythm method (a.k.a., pulling out). I didn’t realize that my phone wasn’t muted, and the entire wedding heard a graphic description of a sex act while the rabbi was blessing the couple. It wasn’t until my sister sent me a text and told me to mute my phone that I realized what was going on.” —Noel, 37
“I Zoom while shopping all the time. What difference does it make if I’m at home folding laundry vs. running errands at Target? This is the new normal, deal with it.” —Laura, 39
But mostly, they just cringed at other people’s Zoom mishaps...
“I haven’t done anything that bad, but one time I did hear a dude pee and flush.” —Celeste, 45