How I Finally Learned to Separate Money from Happiness
“You have money,” I told myself. “What more do you think you deserve when so many people are suffering?”
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I started setting up freelance writing gigs while I still had my job, and in January of this year, I left the first safety I ever knew in my life: the full-time-job-with-benefits world. It’s still absolutely terrifying. During my first month freelancing, I made less than I was making at my full-time job and promptly panicked. My partner, who had a very different experience growing up than I did, reminded me gently: If it was easy, everyone would be quitting their jobs and doing what you’re doing. That statement is a corrective experience in and of itself, and he’s provided me with so many of those during our time together. When I start to worry about falling back into the danger of being financially unstable, I acknowledge to myself that it makes sense that I am scared. I have been through a lot, but now I have a safety net I built for myself. I am still a work in progress, but I’m working toward letting go of my past and letting my body and mind heal—and reminding myself that it’s okay to take it slowly every step of the way.