ON AGE AND SEX: I tell everybody my age, which is 57, as often as possible. I consider myself a proudly visible member of the most invisible segment of our society, which is older women. I want to help redefine, in the way that I live my life, what society thinks an older woman should look like, be like, talk like, work like, and fuck like.
I date younger men, and about ten years ago, I realized that I was encountering the convergence of what happens when today’s access to hardcore porn online meets our society’s reluctance to talk openly and honestly about sex. These two factors result in porn becoming, by default, sex education—and not in a good way. So I put up a tiny clunky website, MakeLoveNotPorn.com, that balances the myths of hardcore porn with reality—the porn world versus the real world. When we launched at TED in 2009, the talk went viral. I realized I’d uncovered a huge global social issue, and saw an opportunity to do good and make money simultaneously. I turned MakeLoveNotPorn into a business, into MakeLoveNotPorn.tv. We are pro-sex, pro-porn, and pro-knowing the difference. We’re building a whole new category on the internet that has never existed before—social sex. MakeLoveNotPorn is about socializing sex, and capturing what goes on in the real world, as it happens spontaneously, in all its funny, messy, glorious, silly, wonderful, beautiful, ridiculous humanness.
Our key mission is to help make it easier for the world to talk about sex. It’s an area of rampant insecurity for every single one of us, no exceptions, all around the world. We all get very vulnerable when we get naked, and the sexual ego is very fragile. Therefore, people find it difficult to talk about sex while they’re actually having it. They are terrified that if they say anything, they will potentially hurt the other person’s feelings, put them off, derail the encounter, or ruin the entire relationship. But at the same time, everybody wants to be good in bed, and will seize upon cues for how to do that in any way they can. If the only cues you’ve ever seen are in porn, then those are the cues you’re going to take, to not very good effect.